He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
