god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize