No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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