My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bring me that man meat
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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