put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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