So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize