it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
