Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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