does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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