party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
