Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
