New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
