Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
