I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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