Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
