There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
