I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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