Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
