Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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