At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
