At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think my fart just growled at me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
