Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
