yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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