my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
