I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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