I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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