I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
