I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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