So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
