Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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