How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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