Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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