I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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