matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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