Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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