believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
