i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
