Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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