Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
