Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
