can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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