Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
