I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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