I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
