it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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