Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
