I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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