Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
