its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
