I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage