My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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