we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize