My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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