Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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  (248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (1082)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2782) Bad night (580)
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  (626): View more from California

  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

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  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
  Replies (32) Good night (3566) Bad night (921)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow. You named your rash.

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  (703): the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch. (717): Wow. You named your rash. http://tfl.nu/cxl6
  Replies (22) Good night (822) Bad night (3962)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

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  (231): I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/w091
  Replies (6) Good night (544) Bad night (3951)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

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  (289): The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight. http://tfl.nu/z22w
  Replies (5) Good night (6966) Bad night (964)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

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  (508): I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls http://tfl.nu/izkj
  Replies (4) Good night (1993) Bad night (1378)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.

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  (847): you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after. http://tfl.nu/68kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1286) Bad night (4830)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Green mimosas i think yes

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  (502): Green mimosas i think yes http://tfl.nu/w98u
  Replies (4) Good night (1538) Bad night (959)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking

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  (386): I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking http://tfl.nu/64ym
  Replies (7) Good night (1156) Bad night (738)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.

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  (260): Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide. http://tfl.nu/8iit
  Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (1865)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  No...this little piggys going to the bar

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  (818): No...this little piggys going to the bar http://tfl.nu/e3y1
  Replies (5) Good night (1641) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday

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  (+61): Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday http://tfl.nu/1mqu
  Replies (5) Good night (548) Bad night (788)
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  (714): View more from California

  wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man

  (1-714): View more from California

  you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife

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  (714): wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man (1-714): you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife http://tfl.nu/week
  Replies (2) Good night (757) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven

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  (316): I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven http://tfl.nu/86d6
  Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (297)

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