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• (831): View more from California

  Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777

  (323): View more from California

  Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)

  (831): View more from California

  Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people

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• (845): View more from New York

  Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

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• (315): View more from New York

  The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

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• (1954): View more from

  You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities

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• (210): View more from Texas

  It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.

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