i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
