my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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