Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
