I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
