I'm so fucking centered right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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