i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
