Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
