My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
