I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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