I think my fart just growled at me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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